how to witness

My friend’s text to me says, “How are you holding up with the birds fleeing the nest?”
(Translation: “How are you doing with the kids back in school for the first time in almost a year?”)

I stare at the screen, thumbs at the ready, tilt my head and look up toward the ceiling (is the answer up there?). A thought springs forward and I nod to myself, thumbs a-movin’ now,

“Kind of confused and peaceful and more confused,” I say.

“Bahaha! Sounds about right,” she replies.

Yup. It does.

This week I’ve,
walked my kindergartener to her classroom for the first time,
jetted home to grab her forgotten computer and returned to school,
climbed back in the van and let myself burst into tears,
pulled into my garage 5 minutes later and allowed the dam to burst yet again,
watched a mental slideshow of my babes and toddlers run across the back of my closed eyes,
walked (and danced) with a dear friend in mid-morning down the greenway,
cringed at the throbbing of a headache,
giggled with a different dear friend on a different mid-morning walk,
marveled at the quiet in my living room,
listened to my husband in awe of his own growth,
talked with client friends about our work together over the years,
watched my children explode in overwhelm and exhaustion,
snuggled into my couch with the cat upon my lap,
witnessed brave women share their truth,
tossed my hands skyward at the icy weather forecast and kids now home tomorrow,
choked up to share my life’s story with a weekly reflective group,
smiled at the moment of sitting here, thinking of you sitting there.

This week, I’ve felt,
not knowing,

This week, I’ve felt my aliveness. And it is bold, rich, stunning technicolor.
This 1 minute video is a mere snapshot of that aliveness.
Watch my eyes, see my face, listen to my voice, see the space around me…

Practice being with one another. It is a skill like no other.

And how very grateful I am to be with you.
Take good care,

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